


Keep moving forward

by PutTheKnifeDownElmo



Series: Sometimes surviving is only the beginning [2]
Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Ride or die the aftermath, Suyoo focus, kind of soft at points, not proof read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29001768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PutTheKnifeDownElmo/pseuds/PutTheKnifeDownElmo
Summary: She had survived the incident but now she was left to pick up the pieces, at least she knows she’s not doing it alone.A sequel to “It’s cold without you here”.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Yoohyeon
Series: Sometimes surviving is only the beginning [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127612
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	Keep moving forward

**Author's Note:**

> This fic may be potentially triggering to some so please read with caution! I’m sorry to those who may have wanted a Bora centric grief sequel but that is a tad too fresh so I made it a survivor sequel instead.
> 
> I wrote this quickly to celebrate Dreamcatchers comeback so my bad if there are any mistakes! 
> 
> As always comments are welcomed and appreciated.

People would later tell her that it was just a dream, a blood loss induced hallucination. A fantasy created as a result of being hit on the head and by god, it was a tough heavy rock that landed on her. 

But Yoohyeon could swear it was real. Or at least, it felt real. It felt like she was wrapped in a warm hug, with no worries or insecurities to drag her down. She wasn’t in a location, per say. Not like the pearly white gates of heaven that she’d grown up hearing about. 

More like a state, a place between places. But it felt safe. And after that experience, not knowing if she’d ever feel anything other than terror and Bora’s warm hand gripping her own cold one, she could do with a little safe. 

Yet something was off. It didn’t feel right. It was like she was at a crossroads. Should she melt away into the warm security? Or should she focus on that nagging feeling deep inside her that she didn’t belong here. The feeling that told her that it wasn’t her time, not quite yet. 

She was so tired. With every passing moment, it was hard to tell exactly how long she was there, the choice seemed simple. Just as she began to lean into the warmth of what she later realised was death, a harrowing pain erupted in her chest sending her body up gasping for air. 

“Charging to 300! Clear!”

Why were they doing this to her? Hadn’t she suffered enough? 

Just like that she was ripped painfully away from her drifting state. So no, Yoohyeon didn’t die in that accident. But sometimes, when the world seemed all too much, when she felt like she would never get better, just sometimes, she wished she had. 

It would be a long road to recovery, or so the doctors told her. Apparently once the doctors had revived her she’d slipped into a coma for a month as her broken body desperately tried to heal. Unlike the pleasant warmth of before, that month was dark and cold for Yoohyeon. Every passing second felt like an hour of torture. 

Most people told her that she should be grateful. After all it was a miracle that she survived. But she didn’t feel grateful. 

Yoohyeon wasn’t usually the one to back down from a challenge, but as she entered the second hour of physical therapy with beads of sweat dripping down her pale skin, she supposed that anything could be broken. That’s how she felt, when it boiled down to it, broken.

Her body was betraying her. From weeks with no use her muscles had atrophied and the doctors wanted Yoohyeon to build up her strength before allowing her back home. The nasty wound in her abdomen had mostly healed, but you wouldn’t think it. As it still looked an angry red, and was tender to the touch.

Not to mention the mind erupting migraines Yoohyeon had begun to experience. The doctors said it was a result of the head trauma that she had experienced, and that it would go away with time. No matter what, she couldn’t be selfish. She couldn’t leave Bora, not again. So she focused on getting better, and for a short while, she felt like she had some direction. 

What she didn’t expect was to feel worse when she was finally allowed back in the dorms. Everything was physically the same, yet everything had changed. Even the atmosphere felt different.

Gone was the lighthearted teasing in the aftermath of the incident, now everyone’s gazes was filled with fear and pity. The pity was the worst, but she supposed that it was traumatic for all of them and so tried not to comment. Of course the only person she could feel normal around, the only person who could understand was Bora. 

But she hadn’t seen much of the older girl, as she was often busy at her therapy sessions. Unlike Yoohyeon, she wasn’t afraid to talk about how the experience had impacted her. It was no secret Yoohyeon hadn’t been the same since the incident but no one expected her to be, after all she had experienced a heavy trauma.

What they didn’t expect was for her not to talk. Every time the topic was brought up she’d shut herself off from the world, leaving her members to drop it. Until finally, late at night, she began to speak as to what was on her mind to the only person who she knew would understand. 

“How do you do it?” Yoohyeon asked, breaking the comfortable silence the two had found themselves in. 

“Do what?”

“How do you keep moving forward?”

Bora took a few moments to ponder the question, not wanting to give a half assed answer. “This whole experience it…” she paused for a few moments, struggling to find the right words. “It made me realise that the human spirit is indomitable, but only if you take things one step at a time”. 

One step at a time, Yoohyeon repeated in her head. She could manage that. But one thing was still bothering her. 

“It must have been so hard on you”

Yoohyeon’s words gave Bora a far away look in her eyes, as she nodded slowly. 

“You know, I’ve learnt that grief makes the heart burst at the seams. You weren’t gone, not really, and yet I was still mourning you. In some ways, it still feels like I am.”

Yoohyeon didn’t know what to say to that. She felt tears prickling at her eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. 

“I’m sorry” she managed to croak out, “I wish everything was like it was before”

Bora took a seat next to her before gently pulling the younger girl into a much needed embrace, while being careful not to aggravate her still healing wound. The dancer could feel tears soak her shirt. 

“I can’t promise that it will get better, but I can promise that I’ll be with you until the end”

It was true, it would be a long road to recovery and in more ways than one. But she was glad she would have Bora through it all. 

But in every journey, there are obstacles. Yoohyeon realised this one day when she was let back into the practice room just a week or so later. They wouldn’t let her dance, all of the members were keeping a close eye on her to make sure she wasn’t pushing herself. But Yoohyeon had argued her case and was allowed back into the company to practice singing.

The distraction was welcomed, and sometimes when they were all sat on the practice room floor like they were now, it felt like nothing had changed at all. Gahyeon and Siyeon were bickering loudly off to the side about god knows what, while Minji unsuccessfully tried to calm them down, Yubin and Handong looked exasperated at the sight but it was no secret they were enjoying the commotion. Yoohyeon was too, that was until she heard the loud yapping of a dog.

Instantly her body tensed, her blood pressure skyrocketed as her mind felt like she was back in Indonesia again chasing after that damned dog again. She couldn’t do anything, leaving her to watch the inevitable sequence of events that played out in her mind until she was back there in that moment. Everything was claustrophobic, she was no longer able to breath as if the concrete slab was on her once more, her mind even believed that her legs had gone numb again from the bloodloss. In Yoohyeon’s head, she was dying all over again. 

Not that Yoohyeon was aware, but Bora was by her side in record time as she instinctively knew something was wrong. Careful not to touch the younger girl, she moved directly in front of her to take in the far away look in her eyes. Moving her hand in front of Yoohyeon’s face only confirmed her suspicions, as she didn’t register the act at all. With each passing moment, she heard Yoohyeon’s breathing get more and more irregular to the point of hyperventilation.

By now everyone was aware of what was happening but no one knew what to do, until Bora began to take charge. “Yubin can you take Hogeum somewhere else please? Gahyeon and Handong can you get a hot water bottle, and Siyeon can you get a bottle of water please?”

Nobody asked any questions, and immediately set out in any way they can. Minji moved over so she was by the pair, waiting for Bora to instruct her like she did the rest. In a small voice, she eventually said “Can you just stay nearby? Incase we need you?”. It was then that Minji realised how much of a strong front Bora was putting on to help Yoohyeon no matter the cost. The leader nodded in return and simply observed the pair, ready to jump in if the dancer needed any support.

“Yooh? Can you hear me?

No response.

So she tried again. “Yooh, if you can hear me, we are in the practice room okay? It’s a Thursday, we have been home for over a month”. She continued to ramble on, saying anything that she hoped may ground the younger girl. Yoohyeon still had that far away look in her eyes, but very slowly her breathing began to calm down. It was a small victory, as in its place she began to tremble and shake violently.

By some miracle, Yoohyeon managed to mutter out a word under her breath.

“Cold”

“Cold? Okay, we can help with that.” Bora said as Minji took off her big puffy jacket and placed it delicately around Yoohyeon’s shaking form. This seemed to provide some sort of relief which was only exemplified as Gahyeon and Handong returned with a hot water bottle, the shaking seemed to subdue somewhat but not go away completely. That’s a start, Bora thought positively.

“Can I touch you?”

Yoohyeon didn’t respond, she still couldn’t talk. But she did give a small nod which was enough for Bora to side hug her, gently bringing the taller girl's head next to her chest.

“Listen to my heart beat okay? We are both alive, and we are okay”

It took a few more minutes for the glazed over look in Yoohyeon’s eyes to fully disappear, and even longer for her to fully process what had just happened. God it felt so real. By now all the members were back from their errands, and were all sat around ready to help in whatever way they could. The sight made Yoohyeon hang her head in shame, she couldn’t help but feel like a burden. 

A gentle hand was placed on her chin, slowly tilting her head up to face Bora. It was like the older girl could read her mind, maybe she could.

“Don’t you dare think that you're a burden, you could never be such a thing. Not to me” She glanced up, taking in the eyes watching them that were filled with patience and understanding. “Not to us”.

Yoohyeon had nothing to say but everything to say at the same time. She realised that she hadn’t talked about the incident at all, just repressed it until it bubbled over at such a simple thing as a dog barking.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Minji inquired from beside Bora.

“Even if what’s on your mind is too confusing, we’ll help put the pieces together” said Yubin, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. But it gave Yoohyeon the courage to try.

“I think I remember dying” Yoohyeon admitted for the first time, she could hear Bora’s breathing hitch at the memory. “It was… okay. But then I wasn’t, then I was alive, but in so much pain that I-”

She stopped, not knowing how to say the next few words. Instead of continuing she took in the faces around her, not one of them judging or criticising. Just listening to each word she said. So she continued.

“Sometimes I wished that I didn’t wake up.” Silence hung in the air as they all took in her words, the youngest wasn’t able to stop a few tears from trickling down her cheek. But they didn’t call her selfish, or ungrateful, like Yoohyeon had irrationally feared. 

“At first, I thought I wanted to die. But that’s not the case because at night I can’t fall asleep because i’m so scared I won’t wake up again” Yoohyeon looked into Bora’s eyes before saying her next words “That I’ll leave you again”.

Yubin seemed to ponder her words for a few moments, her face deep in thought until she finally spoke up.

“Maybe you just want the pain to stop, and in time, it will. But for the moment, we’re here for you, anything that you need”

Yoohyeon let out a sob at her words, it was like everything finally made sense. For the first time she felt like she wasn’t being selfish, or going insane, but instead was understood. Such a simple thing made the pain fade that little bit until she felt like she could truly breathe again.

Later that night, Yoohyeon found herself wrapped in Bora’s comforting scent as she listened to her light breathing. It had been an emotional day for the older girl too, Bora was so drained that she had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. 

In bora’s arms, she felt safe. She felt warm. 

She realised that somethings were worth staying for.


End file.
